‘I’m on a non-stop treadmill of part-time work, cooking, chores, looking after my family and putting the needs of others above my own. I’m constantly exhausted. I’d love some advice about how to change my life for the better.’
The life advice
Suzy says It’s helpful to see energy as being like a bucket of water. To keep it full, you need to be regularly topping it up and checking it for leaks. When I talked to Sabine, the first thing I asked her was how full she thought her bucket of energy was. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘I think it’s more like an inch of mucky water that’s escaping faster from holes at the bottom than I can refill from the top. I’m just permanently exhausted!’ Sound familiar? Many of us may attempt to adopt healthy habits which will give us energy but unless we fix our physical and emotional leaks, we’ll forever have an empty bucket. I gave Sabine three steps to help her restore her flagging energy.
1. Identify leaks
In other words, work out what’s draining your energy. It can be an emotional issue, such as a bullying boss or a ‘vampiring’ friend who always talks about herself. Or it can be a physical drainer – a bottle of wine after work to relax or the ten cups of coffee you drink to get through the day. Short-list your top three energy drainers and be brave, don’t shirk around the things you don’t want to admit to.
Sabine’s main energy drainer was resentment. ‘When I’m doing everything in the house, plus working and meeting everyone else’s needs, I feel very resentful,’ she said. Resentment is one of the biggest energy drainers around, especially for women, and it eats away at your wellbeing and vitality.
2. Fix the holes
If you keep on doing the same thing, you’ll keep getting the same results. Ask yourself, ‘What do I have to think and do differently to eliminate the top three energy-drainers from my life forever?’
Sabine realised she had to stop focusing on everyone else’s needs and simply ask, ‘What do I want to do?’ But the idea of having a choice was completely new to her. ‘Why do you choose to give so much to others that it drains all your energy?’ I asked her. ‘Are you making yourself indispensable in everybody’s life so they won’t leave you?’ It’s a costly way of getting your emotional needs met. Yes, you’ll be loved but ultimately the costs can be huge, not least the fact that you’re constantly shattered, bitter and resentful.
3. Fill the bucket
Now, imagine how life would feel if you had more energy and plan a way of getting it. Be specific, whether it’s asking for help with the washing-up or scheduling one night a week where you do nothing but lie in bed and read trashy novels.
I asked Sabine to create an hourly timetable. What could she do every hour to put herself at the top of her list? She started by joining a Pilates class on a Wednesday night and asking her husband to look after their daughter for three hours at the weekend so she could just read or walk in the park. She also committed to swimming in her lunch hour – exercise is vital to recharge your batteries and make you feel good. It takes 21 days to change a habit so I asked Sabine to commit to sticking to her timetable for the three weeks.
Verdict
‘This has changed my life. I now swim 60 lengths a day and have lost 7lb in two weeks. It’s done wonders for my circulation, my cellulite’s improved and I have loads more energy. Booking time to spend with my husband has boosted our relationship. We used to be ships passing in the night but we just went to Crete and came back happier than ever. The diet plan was a revelation – I’ve cut down on sugar, butter and caffeine. Next week I’m joining the gym. I’m so pleased I’ve got such positive results!’
1. Identify leaks